From the film Listen to me: Mel, 28

When people called me a girl, I felt I was suffocating, I would shrivel. As a child, I did not want to picture the gender of people around me. I would have asked a boy if he were a boy or a girl. Everyone looked at me in utter disbelief when I asked that question. I didn’t want to cause any harm or disrespect to anyone with my question.

My coach had told me to wear a dress and I would ask him if he would picture himself in a dress. I had told him if he wore a dress and plucked his eyebrows, I would do the same.

I was 17 years old. My coach beat me up because I hugged a girl. After that day, he would make me promise that I was not going to be with any girl. As a self-defense mechanism and as a reaction to those kinds of statements, I was forced to make false promises so that I could save myself. He would say, “Look, she is a liar, she makes false promises every time.” I did not like lies, but I was forced to protect myself so I lied because I knew that the truth would kill me.

There came a time when I realized that no one would accept me anyway. I was not going to be able to have a life of my own. Things would get worse and I wanted to put an end to myself. I wanted to simply die. I could not have imagined that I would have so much strength to  be able to fight this and would have won and would have my own family and be happy.

It seemed to me that I would live the life they had imagined for me that eventually I would get tired of it all and then had decided to commit suicide, to redeem myself. Then I found strength to understand that my putting an end to my life won’t solve anything.

By me being alive, and by being happy I would show them that I am what I am and was stronger than any one of them because I would live my life without ruining theirs; as for them, instead of living their own lives , they live my life  scheming to ruining and wrecking my personal life.

“Listen to me” is a documentary film about LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenders) community in Armenia.
The film will be on the screens in October of 2016.

One thought on “Listen to Mel: My coach beat me up because I hugged a girl

  1. Melin u ir nman bolor miaserakannerin mexadroxneri arandznaseneaknerum taknvac tesaxcik ete drvi ayn zamanak ktesnek te inch aylaserutiamb en zbaxvum et gaylere garan mortu tak. Aprek dzer aylandak keankov hangist toxek martkanc aprelu irenc keanke inchpes irenk en uzum.😈

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